Random Baseball IM

him: 162 games isn’t enough… you gotta have 30 preseason games…. and spring practice before that?
me: haha
me: then the fall league
him: haha
me: and winter classic
him: don’t forget the Vernal Equinox
me: haha
me: vernal equinox sounds like an awesome pitcher who defected from cuba
him: haha


Random X-Men IM

him: it’s funny, because my buddy took one of those “which x-men character are you” tests..
him: told him he was storm
me: HAHA


Random We’re Not Stoned IM

him: i like how we laugh audibly..
him: but still type in “haha”
me: haha
me: i want to make sure you know
him: don’t give me “haha”… that was clearly an “LOL”
me: it’s closed captioned
him: HAHA
me: haha


Random Back To The Future IM

me: got a ticket due 2 minutes before it was sent
me: i need the delorean to do it
him: haha
me: but if i go back to november 5, 1955, i’d have over 55 years to complete it
him: HAHA
him: yes… november 5th 1955… that’s the day i invented time travel
him: what is it einey??
me: i was hanging a clock above my toilet when i slipped and hit my head, after i came to, i invented citysearch
him: oh my god… they’ve found me..
him: HAHA
me: WHO WHO????
me: i like how they were so stereotypical to lybians too
me: put them in a shitty van, give them turbans and have them shout gibberish
him: yeah… and it’s a well known fact that lybians love volkswagen buses
me: haha
him: and AK47s
me: haha
me: i love how they crash into that shitty little shack and the van flips over
him: haha
him: death by mall parking lot kiosk
me: but not even flips, just kind of flops to the side like a beached whale
me: HAHA
him: HAHA
him: yeah pretty sure they would have survived that accident


Random Oliver Miller IM

him: haha OLIVER MILLER!
him: i never understood how that guy kept getting picked up by teams
him: all he ever did was get fat
me: he was good at plugging up the lane, that’s about it
him: if by lane… you mean the toilet, then yes
him: pretty sure he got paid in cheeseburgers and milkshakes
me: haha
me: his salary was paid in mcmoney
him: haha
me: i heard he actually has a new biography out
me: oliver miller: i can haz cheezburger
him: haha


Random Michael J. Fox IM

him: a buddy of mine posted an NBA trade rumor: Carmelo Anthony for Andrew Bynum…
him: my response: michael j fox from teen wolf for chloe kardashian and a bottle of her and lamar’s new perfume will happen before this trade haha.
me: HAHA
me: i would say that’s an accurate statement
him: do you know how awesome the lakers would be if we picked up teen wolf?
him: haha
him: i think even you would become a laker fan
me: haha
me: not sure i would be a fan but i wouldn’t hate them as much as i do now
me: personally, i would rather have marty mcfly than teen wolf
him: yeah… marty couldn’t hoop though
me: he could if he had access to a hoverboard
him: his only move would be… “what the hell is that?!?”
me: haha!
me: luke walton would be the type of guy who would fall for that
him: haha


Random Forethought IM

me: dude, this chat log is the best feature ever
him: we should start a blog where we just post the stupid shit we talk about
him: could be the next lolcat
me: haha
him: instead of shit my dad says
him: it could be “i work with a moron”
me: or “idiots with careers”
him: “these guys went to college?”
me: HAHA


Random Chinese New Year IM

me: we’re both born in the year of the cock
me: sucks
me: stupid 1981
him: yeah my brother was the dragon
him: he has a cool ass tattoo of a dragon
him: what am i supposed to get?… a fucking crowing rooster on top of a post?
me: HAHA


Random Vision IM

me: question overheard = “have you seen it personally”
me: what other kind of way is there to see it?
me: impersonally?
me: i saw it vicariously through someone else
him: i saw it via “sources”
me: haha


Random Trader Joe’s IM

him: when i worked at trader joe’s, i would always ask the cougar moms if they needed help with their groceries
him: they’d say yes..
him: and all they wanted was help with their groceries
him: wtf is that
me: haha
me: you were shortchanged huh?
him: sure was
him: you think i really wanted to carry your two cases of wine
him: i thought we had something going here
me: haha